So let me start this by saying that I’m a complete idiot, a moron, a fool, for even attempting such a feat. I was at the PX here in Kuwait, and I noticed the song “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen playing over the speakers. Nothing abnormal, it’s a popular song at the moment with a solid 300+ million views on YouTube. Then the song ended, and then it started again. As I was paying for my stuff, I sparked up a conversation with the cashier about the song starting again. In very broken English he informed me that the song was playing on repeat for about 3 hours. Fuck.
This got me wondering, how could someone hear that song, or any song for that matter, over and over again and not crack. How could they not have their mind engulfed in the crippling tentacles of dementia and start flinging their own shit at strangers? Or better yet, who would be so insane and idiotic to do this on purpose? I would. My name is Erik Bowman, and being of sound mind and body, I am going to listen to Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” on repeat for 3 hours. No breaks, no stoppages, doing nothing but listening to this song for 3 goddamn hours. These are my thoughts as this terrifying feat is attempted. This is for science.
Play count: 0
My hands are already shaking a little, I’ve heard this song a few times, and I already hate it. I’m sincerely dreading what’s to come.
Play count: 1
iTunes rating = 1 star, take that Carly.
Play count: 3
I can’t help but notice that Carly sounds like a sheep when she says, “So baaaad.” This won’t be so bad, I can do this. I’m a grown ass man and she’s a Canadian Idol reject.
Play count: 5
Why the fuck am I doing this? My stopwatch is showing 13 minutes and it’s already felt like an eternity. Initially this just seemed like a funny idea, but right now I’m realized exactly how stupid of a fucking idea this is. Unrelated note, I couldn’t find any naked pictures of her online.
Play count: 10
I honestly think my brain just shut off for the past 3 or 4 plays and I’m pretty sure that’s not a good sign. But as soon as I started typing I became aware of what I was doing again and started paying attention to it again. Also, it took about 10 plays of this song on repeat for me to actually notice the guitar in it.
Play count: 11
These pistachios are pretty good. Sidenote, I’m dead inside.
Play count: 13
I’m starting to really enjoy the winding down sound part at the end of the song, because I get to enjoy a few seconds of break from the song.
Play count: 19
One hour down, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Deep breath Bowman, you can do this.
Play count: 20
HEY I JUST MET YOU AND THIS IS CRAZY BUT HERE’S MY NUMBER SO CAHUIODFASNOJFASNUOFWANU
Play count: 21
I want to die.
Play count: 24
I can say without a doubt that I know absolutely every lyric to this song which is something I never wanted to be able to say I could do. I’m also ashamed to say at times I find myself bobbing my head to the song.
Play count: 27
At this point I’m just silently shaking my head. To be completely honest I’m extremely close to tapping out.
Play count: 29
I’m halfway there, I didn’t think I would even make it this far. I took a few Advil since I’m starting to develop a headache, and staring at the screen is causing my eyes to water. Maybe they’re just tears, I’m not quite sure.
Play count: 32
BEFORE YOU CAME TO INTO MY LIFE I MISSED YOU SO BAAAAAAAAD
Play count: 36
What happened? Did I just black out for 4 plays of the song? I literally blinked and it’s been over 10 minutes and I really can’t remember anything.
Play count: 38
Two hours down, one to go, I really can’t wait for this to be over. This song is making my fucking teeth hurt.
Play count: 39
I’m really trying to come up with funny and entertaining things to say for this blog, but my mind is just fuzzy at this point. I think this song is slowly killing me. Carly is the slowest assassin I’ve ever heard of.
Play count: 42
I would probably pay $1000 to listen to any other song right now, maybe even $2000. I just got a nosebleed.
Play count: 44
$3000.
Play count: 46
My head is throbbing at this point, I’m starting to rock back and forth mouthing the words the entire time, I’m really close to quitting, but I’m so close. Sooooo close.
Play count: 48
A half an hour to go, every time this song ends I close my eyes and hope as hard as I can that a different song is going to play and every time it’s fucking Carly telling me about how she “threw a wish in the well”.
Play count: 52
I’m getting so close, maybe 5 to 6 more plays.
Play count: 54
I almost puked. I’m not even lying to you I legitimately hung my head over my garbage can and couldn’t stop coughing. I think I’m dying…
Play count: 55
AND ALL THE OTHER BOYS TRY TO CHASSSSSE MEEE
Play count: 56
I’m so close, it’s the home stretch. DON’T STOP ME NOOOOOOOOOOW!
Play count: 56 with 20 seconds left
It’s over… It’s finally over. I never have to do something like this ever again. I think I’m going to go outside, smoke a cigarette and really think about what I’m doing with my life. Well, maybe one more play won’t kill me…
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